Monday, November 27, 2000


I was talking to my cousin just before and she think that I must have made that comment to my boyfriend's mother. BUT I DIDNT SAY THAT COMMENT... and that is why I am so mad and upset! I NEVER said to his mother that he was BASHING my family... (If you're confused read one of my last entries) I don’t understand how people can twist words that are coming from another person's mouth. I am sooo feckin' frustrated, I think I am going to have a breakdown. I am sitting here in the lab at school ready to cry. I hate what's going on. It's stupidness. I am so agitated right now, it's unbelievable. Now I don’t know if my boyfriend’s mother is starting to not like me anymore, and is starting to cause shit between her son and I, or if she honestly misheard something I said. (I honestly don't think she hates me. She has no reason to! I have been there for her son and her and her entire family, and I am always there to lend a hand.) But I don’t understand why this is happening to me. What a mess! Why me...

I realized something else just before. As far as the kissing issue between my boyfriend and I. I don't know what it is.. All I know is that he doesn't kiss me as much anymore just like that. He barely tells me that he loves me either (even though I know he does) *tear; now I am really starting to break down. He tells me over again that he's not one to show his emotions. But he was able to at the beginning of our relationship? In the end, if this keeps up and he doesn't change or even improve in the slightest way, I am going to set him free. They say that if you truly love someone, set them free and if they come back to you then it was meant to be. Well I just realized that, and I am starting to think that I should let him be the one who comes to me. If I am always the one going to him, then he is going to think that I am suffocating him or something. Do you know what I mean? And I don't want to be one of those kinds of girlfriends. Anyhow, I don't know what to do! It's eating away at me, however, he's the love of my life and the good does outweigh the bad. And heck, as someone mentioned to me the other day, he's putting up with me and my faults as well. Our relationship is definitely not what it used to be, and I don't know how to get it back to that place. I don't know how to even get him back interested, bring the spark back, you know?

I am going to attempt to do school work!

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