Winter!

Aaaah! Breathe that ice-cold air, a sure sign that winter’s on its way. Step outside, and you’ll be assaulted by shivers and chills. It’s time for our over-sized hand me down jackets and bulky woolen sweaters. It’s hard sometimes to even tell the guys from the girls.

But we of Canada are used to this. Here, all year round snow and cold are assets. Just think what would happen to our igloos if it got warmer. They would melt! Then where would we live?

Winter is a very important part of our lives. It’s what makes us distinct. (Forget the whole sovereignty issue!) Who else do you know that arrives to school on a dogsled? (Dogsleds by the way, are much better for the environment than cars). We also learn how to treat colds, frostbite and hypothermia much better and much more effectively than any other nation in the world. We save lots of money and electricity by not needing refrigerators and we get all the ice cream and Popsicles we can eat! Hunting for food teaches valuable survival skills, and we know how to use ice and snow in everything from table legs to toilet paper. (Hey, it’s not so bad once you get used to the initial shock!)

The best Olympic skiers are Canadian. (Ok, so they’re Russian, but they’re Canadian at heart). Figure and speed skating originated here when one of our ancestors decided to race a penguin. (The penguin won, as our ancestor fell through the ice). Our snowmobiles are the fastest in the nation.

Snowstorms? Hah! We laugh at snowstorms! The last one only took us three days to shovel to the bottom.

Maybe we don’t get radio or television signals, but for entertainment we have rowdy snowball fights. Our ice sculptures are always intricate and extremely detailed.

Our children don’t have to worry about losing their beloved snowmen since they never melt, nor do we have to worry about them tobogganing into the streets, since we have no roads (or cars) to speak of. Hot chocolate is always in season, and instead of having to buy our little ones teddy bears, they get to sleep with live polar bear cubs.

We have Christmas year-round for those Non-Jewish kids, and Santa Claus comes for them here first, as we are the closest to the North Pole. In fact, his little helpers come here for vacation!

We’re really lucky to have winter. Without it, our whole lives would be different. We’d breathe in smog-filled, muggy air, and we would have to wear to wear jeans instead of our super-insulated sweatpants with feet. We’d learn useless information in school. (Who needs math?) instead of our super important classes such as “Make it or Break it: Which Ice Pick is Best for You?” or “Five Things Never To Do When Dealing With A Porpoise.”

So the next time you begin to get depressed over our lengthy expanses of crystal white snow, remember how luck we are to have it. More importantly, don’t cry, because your tears will freeze to your face, and it’s a real pain (literally) to chip them off.

Be proud of winter. After all, we’re Canadian, eh?