Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dear Anonymous

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "july fifteen :: four weeks":

I think that giving up trying to breastfeed right now would be selfish. I can promise you that the discomfort will go away. If you are serious about giving him the best nutrition, then you should stop the bottle and formula feeding. Bottles need to go away so that you and him can be confident in breastfeeding.

If you do not like to feed in public, go to a non public place. used to go sit in the car if I was in a situation that made me uncomfortable. Bottom line.... if you want to breastfeed, then you can do it. It takes work, but you have to decide if you want to do what is best for your baby.

To whomever left me the Anonymous comment about taking away the bottle/formula, Mack has not had formula at all except for once in the hospital because he lost too much of his birth weight (we fed it to him via a medicine cup) and once at home because I was still worried about his weight just after getting home from the hospital. He has never had a bottle and any formula since then. There is nothing wrong with giving him formula to help him increase his weight. They weren't going to let me leave the hospital if he'd lost too much weight and he was already at the 10% maximum that they like.

I'd also like to know your opinion as to why you feel that if I were to stop nursing now (I didn't say that I was going to just yet, I'm still trying to decide what is BEST for MY family), that it would be selfish? How is stopping to nurse selfish if it's not working out or doesn't feel right for MY situation?

I do not think at all that I am a bad mother if I stop nursing. I couldn't get my older son to latch, even with the help of hiring lactation consultants, etc. It's just not for some people. I'm trying to decide at this point what will benefit my family and my child. If I choose to bottle feed my child breast milk OR formula, it'll be the right decision for us, whatever it is I choose, even if YOU think that breastfeeding is the only way that is best for MY child. His doctor and I have other opinions, and are entitled to them as well.

I turned out alright and I was bottle fed.

I am also not trying to justify to other people - I simply shared my opinion on MY blog, and wanted to know what worked/didn't work for my readers, to see if any of their advice would help me.

But dear anonymous, please share your thoughts again, I'm darn curious....

It's so funny how when someone leaves a comment that they are not proud of, they leave it as "anonymous" instead of sharing their name.... If you were so proud of breastfeeding, you'd have shared your information!

28 comments:

Christy said...

For having such strong opinions about what is best for YOUR life...you'd think anonymous wouldn't be such a coward as to hide her true identity.

Just my not so anonymous opinion.

Christine said...

Dont you love ananymous boob-nazis?

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

I remember reading this comment and thinking "What an obnoxious, pompous, judgemental twit". You've been very open about the difficulties you are facing and very honest about wanting advice. Many people can never admit that they need some help, so it is commendable that you have. Most commenters have responded with sincere attempts to help. But this one comment ticked me off, and I'm glad you called them on it. Any one actually reading your posts knows that of course you are trying to do what is best for your family and any suggestion that you aren't is unwarranted and a litte bit disgusting. Sorry, end of rant.

Casey said...

*shakes head* aren't cowards nice? I hate when people think it's selfish not to breastfeed, it's not for everyone and not everyone can do it if they want to. Neither of my girls were breastfed long and they are perfectly fine

dawn said...

I don't know how people think they have any right to tell others what to do or judge their lives. I just left my breastfeeding story on you post and I would have loved little miss anonymous to try to tell me what she said to you. I'm impressed you handled it with such class. I'm so irritated for you I might have said something really nasty.

Amelah said...

Well put dear sister. It is your life. It is your decision. Is it selfish of you to stop nursing if your child is not latching on properly and getting the proper nutrients he needs? Would it not be MORE selfish of you to continue disregarding your childs health? How about that dear anonymous???

I think whatever choice you make that best suits you and your child, to make both MOM and CHILD happy, is a selfLESS act!

Yosemite said...

Hi Robyn. I know what it is like to have difficulty breast feeding. I had the most horrible time with my first two children. I ended up nursing both of them for only 2 months and then cried each time when I couldn't continue. I thought that somehow I had failed as a mother because I didn't nurse. It made me determined when I had my third and I managed to nurse him through great difficulties. He nursed for 6 months before he was put on food. All in all I nursed the next 4 children until they started solids. When they started solids my supply went and I stopped nursing. When I had Joseph I new he was going to be my last. I nursed him until he decided to stop. It wasn't easy because people gave me great hassles for nursing him for so long. I'm telling you this because every child is different. You are so confident in how you feel about this and you will do what is best for you and your family. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Kerry said...

You hit the nail on the head sweetie...YOU need to do what's best for YOUR family. Nobody else has the right to tell you what that might be. Dan was strictly a formula baby and was super healthy and strong and is every bit as brilliant as his sisters. You're not going to go to hell if you decide not to nurse.

g-girl said...

why is it when something 'juicy' gets posted that's when people start coming out of the woodworks. People who maybe wouldn't normally post something.

kristo said...

I agree that every child is different. It's not fair to pass judgement on somebody when you do not have all the facts about their situation. Do whatever works best for you and Mack. And that's between you, your family, and your doctor. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Hattie said...

Oh honey, forget the anonymous commenter. We all know that in reality breastfeeding IS the best for a baby. It isn't always possible though, as your issues with Sean prove, and I couldn't breastfeed either of my children past 6 weeks. All of your thoughts are legitimate.

You plan to wait until Mack is 6 weeks, which is good, because you can decide to start pumping and bottle feeding if you like. I did that with mine, and they didn't have a problem switching between breast and bottle at all. I was picky about which nipples/bottles I would use though. I got the bigger wide ones that were more natural looking to me.

I never cared much about BFing in public, but it was a pain. I did nurse in the car a LOT, but that often meant a half hour or hour in the car with hubby, and later, hubby and nick (9 mos) sitting and waiting on me. The bottle made things easier.

Both of my kids were bottle fed, and more importantly, Formula fed, after 6 weeks (after 3 months for my son) and they are both extremely smart, and more advanced than many children in their development.

Do what you need to do, and don't worry about other people. You might find that just switching between breast and bottle will help, pumping the milk as you need. It did for me, until my milk stopped. :)

Anonymous said...

Don't let things bother you! I don't know you personally, but from reading your blog, you have two wonderful boys, so you must be doing something right. I breastfed for about 2 weeks and had a really hard time. I went to the lactation consultant as well and I just couldn't get my daughter to latch properly at all. I feel like switching to the bottle was such a better thing for me and my child because she was starving. She's 6.5now and is doing just fine.

Lindsay (I don't have a blog and I can't remember my google password or name. lol)

PS. I was bottle fed too and I turned out okay, unless you ask my husband who has a different opinion. hahahaha

Kim said...

Don't you just love those anon posters!? Full of opinions but too cowardly to show their face.

As a labor nurse, I always tell moms they have to do what is right for them. As a newly breastfeeding mother, I can totally understand your feelings about it. Jacob has lost 8 ounces since being born, and my milk has been taking forever to come in. I supplemented once in the hospital when I couldn't satisfy him, and twice since being home for the same problem. He is a great nurser with a very good latch, so I wasn't worried about nipple confusion. I have sore nipples when he first latches, but it quickly goes away. My husband went out and bought me a breast pump yesterday, so now I'm starting to store up my breast milk for when I need a little help feeding him. How can anybody say you are a bad mother for nourishing your baby and saving your sanity?

Robyn said...

Here's to being BOTTLE FED!!! I am not a mother but I was bottle fed as a child and all is going well so far. I have made it all the way to 27 so far.

lauriec said...

Be careful, s/he may come back to critize your birth experience too!

Why do people stick their noses where they just don't belong?

You said it best--YOU decide what is best for your family.

sharon said...

I nursed my gurlz because it worked. I didn't have any issue with nursing in public because that is me.
You are your own person Robyn and don't let anyone tell you that it's selfish. If it is not comfortable and you have tried to get help, you are going to approach nursing negatively. I agree you should at least try the 6 weeks as that is the best way to know for sure, however you are looking at your family *I can't really say if I turned out alright as that would be bragging, but I was bottle fed too.
One of my SILs is upset that due to an operation she can't nurse her 3rd child. Hates bottles - to the point of not even remembering them. My other SIL nursed her little one until he was over a year and a half. My 3rd SIL dislikes the nursing, but makes sure she does it for the first month (she just had a gurl). To each their own and all I can say is good for you for trying and at least you feed your baby...
I cannot beleive someone would comment that way and then leave it anonymous.
argh

p3knitter said...

I have to agree; I always find it odd when someone leaves such a bold comment and won't leave their name.

What are they afraid of ... themselves???

Bea said...

Hmmm...I don't like that. Its very rude of that person. I know you know what is best for you and that you will make an informed and well thought out decision. Hugs for you, Mack and Sean. Abby and Gus send some drool too. Just to go with Mack's. :)

Maggie said...

choosing to breastfeed or not is a HUGE decision. Oliver wouldn't latch for the first few months and we decided it would be best to give him breastmilk from a bottle. That worked for us, but I know lots of people who just couldn't work it out. You have to do what's right for your family and situation. Don't worry about what anonymous said, they don't know everything that's going on with you and yours. Good luck!!

Kelly said...

This is what I think... Of course breast feeding is best for the baby. It is a natural thing. They didn't have formula years and years ago. HOWEVER... in some situations, it just may not work for some reason or another. I know that you will make the decision for your family. I think it is great that you are asking about the opinions of your readers, but it really sucks to have someone post a comment like that is "anonymous". I agree with what you said... if they were so proud to leave a comment like that, then they should have been "Big" enough to not post it as anonymous. Best Wishes to your family!!

Robin said...

What's that saying - opinions are like &ssholes, everyone's got one? I obviously have no practical advice to give you, having never been through the situation myself, but I just want to say kudos to you for trying to do the best thing for your family despite anonymous naysayers. No one can make that decision for you. And yeah, I was bottle fed too (as many of us were) and I turned out A-OK as well. If the BFing works, great, if not, it's not the end of the world. Just my opinion.

Turtle said...

i think it was rather cowardly not to back up your opinion with a name vs anonymous. I think you would have received less flack for putting your name to the comment as well. As for breastfeeding or no breastfeeding...that is as personal a decision for one person and their family to make as any other life changing decision. I could not breast feed as my milk never came in and after 2 months of still trying it would have been selfish of me to keep trying as my daughter wsa lacking nourishment and was hungry all the time. Also the fact that i returned to work full time and did not have the ability to pump, etc this would have had to come to an end soon anyway. I would have also asked the group what they had done to get others input (like we do with so many day to day decisions we are pondering) but feel badly that someone had to have such attitude with their opinion. Do what works for you and yours! Smile!! Oh sorry, must move..the dog has gas!

Caroline said...

You are a fantastic mother. Selfish is probably the last word I'd use to describe you.

Ammerins said...

O dear, I so not like people who give their opinion and then scarper...

I am of the boob brigade as well, but rule number 1 is: mommy goes first. The reason for this is that an unhappy/tired/stressed mommy is not going to give her kid the milk it needs.
I was lucky enough to have breastfed my kids 7 and 10 months respectively, but at times it was hard. But for me, the advantages outweighed the disadvantages big time and I had only mild cracks and swelling at the beginning, never had an infection and had enough milk to keep them gaining weight properly.

So please, if you're not happy with how it's going, if you or Mack are suffering for the sake of it, try formula. Millions of kids have grown up with it and thrived. Maybe you'll be able to combine the two, just go with your heart!

Big Girl Feet said...

I agree with everyone- perhaps anonymous had some of their own issues and had to take it out on you. I think you're awesome and your kids are so sweet and what you do is your business and not theirs.

Tara said...

LOL! Anonymous boob-nazis. I love that!!!

Man, discussing breastfeeding is a tricky business. Some people are just really, REALY passionate about it. I suspect that's where Anonymous was coming from, and didn't necessarily mean to be cruel (even if, I'm assuming we're talking girl here, she was somewhat judgmental).

Here's an idea: Why not launch into the circular needle v. dpns debate while you're at it??? :)

You already know what I think. Bottom line: it's your life, your decision.

O. said...

I'm not a mommy myself yet, but comments like this would drive me nuts! Some wise a** thinks she knows it all and knows what's best for ALL the babies and ALL the mothers and doesn't mind to push the opinion on others either. Anyways, do what your heart and body tells you, I was bottle fed too and I'm doing quite allright here too! :)

knitography said...

Ahhhh, I hope you aren't letting Anonymous get to you. Anyone who reads your blog can see that you love your children and take decisions about their welfare seriously. Rude strangers don't know you well enough to give such judgemental advice.