Tuesday, December 05, 2000

Shit or Get Off The Pot?

My boyfriend is being supportive out of the blue today and a bit yesterday too :) He's been in a good mood lately. He was so cute this morning when he woke me up. He's my alarm clock... I don't get out of bed for the alarm clock. That thing is no use to me. The phone is what waked me up. But you see, you can't just call me once and expect that I will get out of bed... So he calls me in intervals of 15 minutes. The first time to get me conscious, the second time to make sure I am awake and the third time (only if I ask) to make sure I am out of bed. So last night, since I left him an internal bell canada answering message on his machine and asked him to check on me three times, he did and he said to me, "today I have totally fulfilled my boyfriend duties" he said it soo adorably, I want to know what's cooking in that mind of his!!! I am seeing him later on today, so I will see what's cooking :) I've been doing a lot of relationship thinking lately. And as much our relationship has it's faults, it has it's good points too. Every relationship has their faults, and without faults life would be freakin' boring. Don't you agree?

Anyhow, you see i have a plan. if my boyfriend and I are together by our 2 yr (that's march 2002) there better be some future for us, otherwise it's emotionally draining for the both of us, especially since he's 26 and a half years old. And then I want a semi-long engagement because I am still a little young, and I want to get through most of university (that's if I decide to go) and still get married before he's 30.. :) I can see us having a future together, so that's good. Then only thing is discussing this with him. I dont want to yet. Maybe by our one year, 'I will be like, hey, babe, where do you see this relationship going', type thing, because I dont want to be in a relationship that is headed no where. You know? What do you think? Is at the one year point ok to say something?

My boyfriend's sister, when she was just starting to date her now husband, had that conversation with him. Also, she was a lot older than I am now, and it was like if by two years we're not engaged, then we better not continue on this relationship. (It was one of those shit or get off the pot conversations!) Why put energy into something that's going nowhere. I think that was before 6 months into their relationship. You see, if my boyfriend weren't 26, I wouldn't be thinking these thoughts, or would I? I guess anyone in love with someone, would be having these thoughts. Or would they? The things that pop into my mind at the weirdest times, I tell you.

Man, more laundry to go and finish and then I am going to hop into a shower and hit the road to school. I have only my French class today since we're all done my creative writing workshops. My creative writing manuscript is due on Thursday. Our final portfolio was due last Thursday. I want to know how he is going to grade all of that before marks are due next week. That's another reason why I am not sure anymore that I want to be a teacher. I am not good under pressure or stress for a deadline for example! That is bad. Why does deciding have to be so difficult? These years of our lives are supposed to be the best times of our lives, yet, I am confused, lost and yea, well that's it! Confused and lost about life... At least I am not alone. :)

I will write more later after I get home from my boyfriend's house. That sounds like a plan. Don't you think?

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